We just had a realization that really touches our heart and we’ve had a good while just letting out the tears.
This song that came out in 1984 (yeah, old, but not that old) called “The Warrior is a Child” came to mind a little while ago. I remember how at the time I was in middle school and we had recently moved to Missouri from Texas (where the worst of the abuse happened that I know of). This young woman sang this song in church and I remember fighting so so hard to keep the tears back because this song touched us so deeply (and you know it wasn’t safe to show emotion back then cuz folks might suspect something was wrong and that would break the facade that was so important for us to keep in place). This song made us bawl on the inside every time she sang it at church, but we still longed to hear it because it really touched us.
I don’t know if others in our system have made this connection before, but today I did for the first time. The lyrics, wow the lyrics and the parallel they can have for someone who is multiple and has been through h*ll and has small children inside….the armor for us is the body or the ones who maintain a strong front for outsiders. But, “deep inside this armor this warrior is a child” (or in our case many children).
Most of our system has a strong faith in G*d and that made this song even that much more powerful and touching to us. “Unafraid because His armor is the best, but even soldiers need a quiet place to rest”. We believe that the ability to split into many parts to survive the abuse IS a gift from G*d, He was there all the time giving me the tools I needed to get through. Why did we have to go through such h*ll? I don’t know other than that God has a divine purpose for us, something that we couldn’t do had we not been through what we endured. What we went through made us the person we are today, made us compassionate and tenderhearted especially towards others who have been hurt or are hurting.
If you’d like to hear the song and we’d recommend it here is the link to the original song on youtube:
http://www.youtube. com/watch? v=uRNFf3ykQvM
Cassandra, Cassi, and a whole lot of others in c,etc.
Here are the lyrics:
The Warrior is a Child by Twila Paris 1984
Lately I've been winning battles left and right But even winners can get wounded in the fight People say that I'm amazing Strong beyond my years But they don't see inside of me I'm hiding all the tears They don't know that I go running home when I fall down They don't know who picks me up when no one is around I drop my sword and cry for just a while 'Cause deep inside this armor The warrior is a child Unafraid because His armor is the best But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest People say that I'm amazing Never face retreat But they don't see the enemies That lay me at His feet They don't know that I go running home when I fall down They don't know who picks me up when no one is around I drop my sword and and cry for just a while 'Cause deep inside this armor the warrior is a child They don't know that I go running home when I fall down They don't know who picks me up when no one is around I drop my sword and look up for a smile 'Cause deep inside this armor Deep inside this armor Deep inside this armor The Warrior is a Child