After the Dust Settled….

Well, after finding out hubby may be switched to night-shift very soon, first thing I freaked out about how it was going to effect ME and my system. Kind of selfish and I am rather embarrassed by it. After the dust settled, I was able to see it in a different light. Hubby has always hated the idea of working the night shift cuz he most likely will be the only one there (a SMALL truck stop – like a truck gas station that also serves cars. LOL!) and he hates to work alone, plus he’ll be stuck on cash register rather than doing side duties which will make his back hurt more (standing in the one place on a hard floor for hours), plus he has bipolar and fucking with his nights and days like that is going to get his sleep patterns out of whack and that’s NOT GOOD for mania/depression stuffs. All of a sudden, I found myselves more worried about him than us. He simply should NOT do this.

I thought that we were dealing well as you can notice in our post “It’s NOT the end of the world”, but there were still parts who hadn’t dealt with it. We were on quite a roller coaster ride yesterday all throughout the night, too. We had parts out who were crying and couldn’t stop last night. We had started on fear’s roller coaster full of loop-d-loops and sharp zig zags sending parts of us into an emotional tail spin.

*****Possible Trigger Warning for below content – TRIGGER for talk of death and illnesses*****

Fear of Abandonment – flavor of the month – fear of losing someone to a death…. Last night, we were thinking all kinds of scary things on this roller coaster. We thought about how just before his old boss quit, the store had been robbed and it was DURING NIGHT SHIFT. So, what if they get a repeat performance and hubby is smack in the middle of it! And even if it happens and he gets through it okay, the stress will wreak havoc with his bipolar so he may not be able to recover well. But……what if he gets shot? There it is. The fear of abandonment cropping up…. Then, once we got past that loopDloop, then we started listening to his breathing. It’s quite strained as he has a really bad cold and “feels fluey”. He mentioned a few days ago that earlier the past week he had been coughing up phlem that was dark greens and other colors that were not good. He didn’t tell me until then because it had gone back to normal – light green and lighter stuff. Still, pneumonia seems to be an easy catch for him and his siblings so we worry. Also, we knew a guy back right after college who had walking pneumonia. He was sick for a long time and when he finally went to get it checked, he was put into the hospital with walking pneumonia and died 3 days later. That has always stuck in my mind and the FEAR is overwhelming. I don’t remember the rest of the roller coaster ride as I was finally able to drift off to sleep sometime after 4 AM. It was a very difficult night.

Today, gonna help hubby apply at Home Depot online. Think I’ll encourage him to apply at Lowe’s, too, online.


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