Earlier today, hubby comes home from work to tell me that he has some news that I’m not gonna like. He tells me that his new boss is talking about moving him to the graveyard shift. Now, the thought of being home alone at night is very frightening for many insiders and I immediately panic, get pissed, and get scared all in regular swift intervals. I tell him that there is no way that I can sleep at night if he is not here becuz we won’t feel SAFE. He tells me that I haven’t been sleeping at night anyway. That is true, but only because we are on summer vacation and have been unable to sleep due to the summer crew of our system who come out. I go back to work in 2 or 3 weeks and then where will I be if I can’t sleep and can’t function in the daytime? I was wrought with fear and emotion.
Then, later on in the evening at the request of hubby, we put the topic on the back burner (as best as I/we can do) and watched some tv and a movie. We watched the movie 2012. Now, it may sound silly, but over the length of that movie, we DID start to feel better! It is NOT the end of the world. Things COULD be much worse, but they are not. All we have to do is figure out how to make it through the night home alone on the nights that he works. It will be an old challenge renewed that we never really learned to overcome.
We don’t even know for sure (although I feel like he will most likely start working nights on Sunday) so if he doesn’t end up working graveyard shift, like a good friend of our’s told us, we will have panicked too early and for no reason (I’m paraphrasing <smiles>). We have a good support system online that is growing day by day as well as good friends that we can call if it does happen and we struggle. We also have an awesome T that I know would be supportive if we need her.
In light of the movie where it is the end of the world, people watch their homes destroyed, loved ones are dying, and you are running for your life, my issue with sleeping at night while hubby is at work seems incredibly small AND doable. I am alive and married to a wonderful man who I love dearly and loves me. I have learned that I can be loved and loved unconditionally since he and I “hooked up” and got married. We have a good life together even though we do tend to have financial struggles that tend to trigger the hell out of me. But, overall, we have a blessed life and we have each other. I feel loved and I have my own family of choice. What more could I really ask for? And it is also worth mentioning that hubby has already planned to get a different job ever since he got this new boss a week ago, so this graveyard thing would certainly only be temporary. Temporary is good, we can handle temporary.
I also do realize that this is only parts of my system that are currently feeling more positive about this possible change, but if they can stick around and help out if it happens, then we could use their help to calm those scared younger parts. It is not the end of the world.